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Sunday, November 30, 2008

We've all spoken to him!

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India . The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow , Pink and Green ..' Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready' The manager said, 'Go ahead.' Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green , and I pink it up, and say, ' Yellow ' , this is Mujibar.' Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have.

Better than a Flu Shot !

Miss Beatrice,
The church organist,
Was in her eighties
And had never been married.
She was admired for her sweetness
And kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor
Came to call on her and she showed
him into her quaint sitting room.
She invited him to have a
seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her
old Hammond organ ,
The young minister
Noticed a cute glass bowl
Sitting on top of it.
The bowl was filled
With water, and in the water Floated,
of all things, a condom!

When she returned
With tea and scones,
They began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity
About the bowl of water and its
strange floater, but soon it got the
better of him and he could no longer resist.
' M iss Beatrice', he said,
'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'
Pointing to the bowl.
'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?
I was walking through
The Park a few months ago
And I found this little package On the ground.
The directions said
To place it on the organ,
Keep it wet and that it would prevent
the spread of disease.
Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter.'

Here's to your health...

apples
Protects your heart
prevents constipation
Blocks diarrhea
Improves lung capacity
Cushions joints
apricots
Combats cancer
Controls blood pressure
Saves your eyesight
Shields against Alzheimer's
Slows aging process
artichokes
Aids digestion
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Guards against liver disease
avocados
Battles diabetes
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stops strokes
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
bananas
Protects your heart
Quiets a cough
Strengthens bones
Controls blood pressure
Blocks diarrhea
beans
Prevents constipation
Helps hemorrhoids
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Stabilizes blood sugar
beets
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
Protects your heart
Aids weight loss
blueberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Stabilizes blood sugar
Boosts memory
Prevents constipation
broccoli
Strengthens bones
Saves eyesight
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
cabbage
Combats cancer
Prevents constipation
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Helps hemorrhoids
cantaloupe
Saves eyesight
Controls blood pressure
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Supports immune system
carrots
Saves eyesight
Protects your heart
Prevents constipation
Combats cancer
Promotes weight loss
cauliflower
Protects against Prostate Cancer
Combats Breast Cancer
Strengthens bones
Banishes bruises
Guards against heart disease
cherries
Protects your heart
Combats Cancer
Ends insomnia
Slows aging process
Shields against Alzheimer's
chestnuts
Promotes weight loss
Protects your heart
Lowers cholesterol
Combats Cancer
Controls blood pressure
chili peppers
Aids digestion
Soothes sore throat
Clears sinuses
Combats Cancer
Boosts immune system
figs
Promotes weight loss
Helps stops strokes
Lowers cholesterol
Combats Cancer
Controls blood pressure
fish
Protects your heart
Boosts memory
Protects your heart
Combats Cancer
Supports immune system
flax
Aids digestion
Battles diabetes
Protects your heart
Improves mental health
Boosts immune system
garlic
Lowers cholesterol
Controls blood pressure
Combats cancer
kills bacteria
Fights fungus
grapefruit
Protects against heart attacks
Promotes Weight loss
Helps stops strokes
Combats Prostate Cancer
Lowers cholesterol
grapes
saves eyesight
Conquers kidney stones
Combats cancer
Enhances blood flow
Protects your heart
green tea
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Helps stops strokes
Promotes Weight loss
Kills bacteria
honey
Heals wounds
Aids digestion
Guards against ulcers
Increases energy
Fights allergies
lemons
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Stops scurvy
limes
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Controls blood pressure
Smoothes skin
Stops scurvy
mangoes
Combats cancer
Boosts memory
Regulates thyroid
aids digestion
Shields against Alzheimer's
mushrooms
Controls blood pressure
Lowers cholesterol
Kills bacteria
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones
oats
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
Battles diabetes
prevents constipation
Smoothes skin
olive oil
Protects your heart
Promotes Weight loss
Combats cancer
Battles diabetes
Smoothes skin
onions
Reduce risk of heart attack
Combats cancer
Kills bacteria
Lowers cholesterol
Fights fungus
oranges
Supports immune systems
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
Straightens respiration


peaches
prevents constipation
Combats cancer
Helps stops strokes
aids digestion
Helps hemorrhoids
peanuts
Protects against heart disease
Promotes Weight loss
Combats Prostate Cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Aggravates diverticulitis
pineapple
Strengthens bones
Relieves colds
Aids digestion
Dissolves warts
Blocks diarrhea
prunes
Slows aging process
prevents constipation
boosts memory
Lowers cholesterol
Protects against heart disease
rice
Protects your heart
Battles diabetes
Conquers kidney stones
Combats cancer
Helps stops strokes
strawberries
Combats cancer
Protects your heart
boosts memory
Calms stress


sweet potatoes
Saves your eyesight
Lifts mood
Combats cancer
Strengthens bones


tomatoes
Protects prostate
Combats cancer
Lowers cholesterol
Protects your heart


walnuts
Lowers cholesterol
Combats cancer
boosts memory
Lifts mood
Protects against heart disease
water
Promotes Weight loss
Combats cancer
Conquers kidney stones
Smoothes skin


watermelon
Protects prostate
Promotes Weight loss
Lowers cholesterol
Helps stops strokes
Controls blood pressure

The sack Lunches

The Sack Lunches
I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought. Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. ' Chicago - to Great Lakes Base. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Iraq ' After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached Chicago , and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time. As I reached for my wallet, I overheard soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to Chicago ' His friend agreed. I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him.' Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, 'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?' 'Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is your thanks.' After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars. Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, an said, 'I want to shake your hand.' Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.' I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers. Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm. When we landed in Chicago I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars! Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base.. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.' Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers. As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little... A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life wrote a blank check Made payable to 'The United States of America ' for an amount of 'up to and including my life.' That is Honor, and there are way too many people in This country who no longer understand it.'

Signs your getting older!!!

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy

SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.

OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5 An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend:

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Ponderisms
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Garden Rule:
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?'
Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.'
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
But Most Of All, Remember!
A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!

My Mistake!!!



Most everybody who knows me, knows that my main man is a Structural Engineer. Most days he is "normal" but there are the few days (like this past weekend) that really get me wondering!
We moved into Gulf Breeze, and this new house on September 13th, 2008. Our previous house came fully furnished so we didn't have to worry about money lost on furniture. But me being me I didn't discard my old furniture, just bits and pieces that needed to go. So, we moved in and the kids got their rooms set up first. What any mother would do, right? Well, 3 months have gone by and I was tired of sleeping on a matterss on the floor.
I approached Neil on Friday evening, mentioning briefly our need to set up our bed. The only thing holding us back was a box spring. Easy enough, right? Let's go buy one. Well, he got up Saturday morning and said he was going to run errands and go to Lowe's. I thought he had forgotten! Well, he didn't!!!!!
He came home with a car full of lumber. As he and the kids unloaded the car and piled all this wood on the floor of my room, I couldn't help but scratch my head! Then he joyfully announces he is going to build a box spring. I never doubted that he could do it, I only wondered if it was practical. Wouldn't you?
I left him alone with his project. About 30 minutes later he comes to me annoucing that he has done it! I didn't know what to think...
The bed is now set up and very comfortable but you gotta see how this came out....